Dusty Cupboards and New Resolutions
by Autumn Amethyst
Summary: He wanted to be alone here, now, with himself. OneShot. Remus realizes that even friendships change with time, though not always for the worst.


**A/N: Do you ever start writing without any clear notion of where you're going? Yes, well, that happens to me often, so here is one product of such an um…inclination. I'll have you know that this is really the first _fanfiction_ story I have written that hasn't revolved one, around Lily and James, and two, their romantic connection. Obviously, I haven't strayed terribly far from my typical tendencies; Remus is, after all, a good friend of said characters. Anyway, I ramble aimlessly, as usual. I do hope that you'll let me know what you think. **

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**Dusty Cupboards and New Resolutions**

Remus Lupin found himself loathing Snape in that moment; not the sort of loathing that comes and goes with simple words, but the sort that grabs hold of you in an instant and pinches, casting all other emotions overboard in a storm. This hatred surprised him greatly, for he was so used to being disliked himself, that he hardly thought he felt the capacity to hate another human.

He cast irritated eyes about him, somehow wishing that he had chosen a more sanitary broom closet to mope in. _You aren't moping,_ the mostly reasonable voice inside his head attempted optimism from time to time. _You have every reason in the world to be angry with Snape. _A dust ball scattered into tiny pieces as he shifted his foot. He attempted to force the door tighter into its frame; even the small trace of light shining through was troubling to his present reclusive mood.

_Did Snape have any right to be angry with _Remus? Well, perhaps he _could_ have stopped James and Sirius from their latest prank; perhaps he might have called them off with a few well-placed words. But Remus was eager to be accepted, and although he was completely comfortable in his relationship with the other Marauders, he often refrained from reprimanding them out of simple gratitude. Their friendship meant more to him than anything else in the world.

Snape always found some sort of revenge. He _needed_ that revenge, or he was no longer Snape, but an imposter, a fraud. Unfortunately for Remus, Snape had chosen to bring his revenge upon the werewolf this time. _I was the natural pick, I'm sure. _He was the vulnerable one, far less interesting and easily mocked. It was a known fact that Remus never attempted to defend himself. He was a lot cleverer than most people gave him credit for, however. Nobody ever seemed to think he was capable of much other than following his friends around. If there was something exciting to be beheld, it was always something about Sirius, or James, and the girls went scattering after his two best friends like possessed fairies.

His friends had been busy lately. James was pleasing Lily at every turn, and she seemed to finally be transfixed with his attempts this year. Sirius, seeing his best friend completely smitten and spoken for most nights, turned more to his own solitude than to his other good friend, Remus. Sure, Sirius would still choose Remus's company over Peter's any day, but Peter…well, Remus had always suspected a certain lack of caring in the boy; a lack of the same sort of understanding Remus found so refreshing in the other two Marauders. Peter was their friend, to be sure, and accompanied them nearly everywhere. He was good company, most of the time. Yet Peter had also been absent often that year.

Whatever the case, his friends had not been there with him that afternoon. He had endured the taunting of Snape, and the subsequent snickering, without the company of his most faithful companions. They had scarcely noticed his absence from dinner, he was sure. He felt like a coward, sitting in this dusty and slightly ill-smelling closet. Yet he couldn't bring himself to stand up, to push the door open, and to re-enter the company of other souls. Besides, he enjoyed the privacy of this tiny space. It didn't matter to him that the rusty handle of a hanger was digging into his side, or that the mothballs were slowly gathering about his feet. He wanted to be alone here, now, with himself. And especially, he wanted to be solitary with this burning hatred, this necessity he was feeling to blame everything that troubled him on someone else. He was sure that his friends would back him up, were they present.

It was in this moment, as his thoughts were shifting from his deepening dislike for the slimy Slytherin to his most infamous friends, when Remus realized that they would not always be there for him. Not in the way they used to be. They each had their own concerns, and their own lives to worry about. They would be graduating from Hogwarts, saying goodbye to their shared dormitory, in less than a month. James was likely going to ask Lily to marry him, as he had been mumbling about in his sleep for weeks, and Sirius, well, Sirius had several issues to settle with his family before he could ever truly be unruffled again. Peter was involved in attempting to prove himself, to fulfill his own ambitions.

_Where are you going, Remus?_ He had no answer to that question. He cursed his situation for what felt like the millionth time, wishing he were anyone but himself. What opportunities were there for _him_, in this state? Nobody wanted him around. He couldn't be trusted; even he had to admit that. He liked to think that he might be the most loyal of his friends, but that did not change the violence and unpredictability he was prone to each month.

That was just it…he wasn't human. Not in the way that James and Sirius were humans. Being a werewolf did not only mean serious discomfort once a month, it also took a toll on one's most basic senses. Remus _felt_ like a werewolf, like an animal, like something _not_ human.

_So why, then, are you troubled with human emotions?_ Remus frowned. It was true that an animal would not be as concerned as he currently was over his reaction to taunting, or his friends' latest actions. He had scarcely any time to contemplate this little hitch in his self-loathing, however, before the door was pulled open and three wizards blinked at him.

"There you are," Sirius stated simply, smiling as Peter pocketed the Marauder's Map.

James gave him a crooked grin and bent his tall frame, offering him a hand. Remus took it, pulling himself to his feet.

"I'm sorry mate, Snape's a dirty bugger," James let go of his hand. "Not worth anyone's time."

"How did you know?" Remus was sure one of the _Slytherins_ had not informed his friends of anything that had transpired; they were hardly on gossiping terms.

"I didn't," James alleged simply, brushing dust from his shoulder, "but you just reassured me of a suspicion." He smiled, and Remus could not help but smile back.

Sirius shook his head, "Stupid git. He should have come after me. That last prank was my fault anyway."

"Well Sirius, I'm a far easier target, it seems," Remus sighed, not caring to pick off the latest piece of dust clinging to his hair.

"No, he just knew you wouldn't hex his pants off, because you're too _good_ of a person." James suggested, leaning back on his heels.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed with a heavy exhale of breath, "you're a far better soul than the rest of us."

A new voice, feminine in nature, approached them. "Well that's the truth if I've ever heard it." Lily Evans appeared, her dark red hair slightly tangled and her eyes bright. She wrapped an arm through James's, who smiled at her as if she were his best present ever.

Remus's mood softened considerably as he watched Lily and James together, so simply happy with their arrangement. He glanced back at Sirius, who was inspecting one of his hands with a look of interest and a smirk; obviously something he found amusing was on his mind now. Peter's head was tilted slightly to the side, and he brushed past Remus to shut the door on the broom closet.

No, his friends would _not_ always be there for him in the way they used to be. They would be _here_ in spirit, however, and knowing that they had had good times together, and that these friends would never completely disappear from his life, was enough for Remus. He had never wanted anything quite so much as happiness, and it seemed, he might always find that through his friends, no matter what other turns their lives took.


End file.
